Over the last decade the single most robust finding in this field has been a slightly uncomfortable one.
Researchers found that how strongly someone feels addicted to porn is predicted by their religiosity and their moral disapproval of porn — even after controlling for how much porn they actually use. Two people, identical usage: the one who believes it's wrong is far more likely to report feeling addicted. This has replicated repeatedly, and in the US, around 11% of men and 3% of women report some level of perceived addiction.
The researchers call the mechanism moral incongruence: a gap between what you do and what you believe you should do. It's an old idea — cognitive dissonance — pointed at a new behaviour.
There's a smart test of whether this is real. In a preregistered study, the interaction between how often someone did a behaviour and how much they disapproved of it predicted feeling addicted for porn and gambling — but not for tobacco, prescription drugs, or illicit drugs. Nobody feels addicted to cigarettes because they morally object to cigarettes. They feel addicted because of nicotine. That contrast is the point.
Now, the part that matters, and that gets left out: this does not mean your distress is fake, and it does not mean your values are wrong. If you hold a sincere religious or ethical commitment that porn violates, the incongruence is real and living inside it is genuinely painful. What the finding tells you is which lever to pull. Moral incongruence responds to alignment work — either changing the behaviour to match the values, or working out, on reflection, which of these values you actually hold. It responds badly to being treated as a neurochemical disease, because framing a values conflict as brain damage tends to add a layer of helplessness on top.
To be explicit: this course has no view on whether your values are right. It only has a view on which lever fits which problem.
Most people are a mix: some genuine dysregulation, some incongruence. You're allowed to work on both. Just know which is which.
Quick check
Does moral incongruence mean someone's distress isn't real?
- Yes
- No
Reveal
The distress is real either way. What changes is which lever moves it.
Takeaways
- Feeling addicted is predicted by disapproval, on top of how much you actually use.
- That doesn't make the distress fake, and it doesn't make your values wrong.
- It tells you which lever fits: alignment work, not a broken-brain story.
In the app, this lesson ends with a practice
Two columns. No judgement on either — but see which one is longer.
Sources and how strong they are (3)
- Well establishedReligiosity and moral disapproval predict feeling addicted to pornography even after controlling for how much someone actually uses.Grubbs et al. 2015; Grubbs & Perry 2019, J Sex Res
- Well establishedThe frequency × moral-disapproval interaction predicts felt addiction for pornography and gambling, but not for tobacco or illicit drugs.Grubbs et al. 2022, registered report, Psychology of Addictive Behaviors
- Well establishedIn a US national sample, around 11% of men and 3% of women reported some level of perceived addiction.Grubbs, Kraus & Perry 2019, J Behavioral Addictions
Questions this lesson answers
The app adds Panic.
One tap for the moment an urge hits, offline, and an evening check-in that turns lessons like this one into a plan for your own triggers. Free.
Coming to iOS and Android.