Marlatt's relapse-prevention model gives the mechanism a name: the Abstinence Violation Effect. After a lapse, attributing it to a permanent flaw in yourself predicts a full return to the behaviour. Two people have the identical slip on day 30. One thinks I knew it, I can't do this, back to square one, and because the project is already lost, the rest of the night and then the week is a write-off. The other thinks that happened; I was exhausted, I'd had a row, I was on my laptop at midnight, goes to bed, and carries on in the morning. Same slip. Different weeks.
This is also why the shame-heavy version of quitting is not just unpleasant but counterproductive. A preregistered survey of men in reboot communities found perceived relapse commonly followed by shame, worthlessness and sadness, and in some cases suicidal thoughts. Those are the ingredients of a write-off night.
So have a procedure, because you should not be improvising while you feel terrible.
- Stop the episode now. Not tomorrow. This is the single highest-value action and it is available at every moment.
- Do not do the debrief tonight. Nothing you conclude about yourself in the hour after a slip is reliable. Note the time, the situation, how you felt beforehand, and stop.
- Tomorrow, run the facts. What was the cue? What state were you in? Was a plan in place that didn't fire, or was there no plan for this? Your trigger map just got real data.
- Adjust one thing. One. If it was midnight on the laptop, the change is about the laptop at midnight. Fresh-start energy is a sugar high; a single specific adjustment beats a renewed vow every time.
A slip ends when it ends, not when the week does.
Where this comes from
Read the full lesson: The post-slip protocol →
Sources and how strong they are (2)
- Well establishedMarlatt's relapse-prevention model identifies the Abstinence Violation Effect: after a lapse, attributing it to a permanent personal flaw predicts a full return to the behaviour.
- Marlatt GA & Gordon JR (eds) 1985, Relapse Prevention: Maintenance Strategies in the Treatment of Addictive Behaviors, New York: Guilford Press, ISBN 0-89862-009-0
- Curry S, Marlatt GA & Gordon JR 1987, J Consult Clin Psychol 55(2):145-149, doi:10.1037/0022-006X.55.2.145
- Mixed evidenceA preregistered survey of men recruited from reboot communities found perceived relapse commonly followed by shame, worthlessness, sadness and in some cases suicidal thoughts. The same survey asked what participants had seen on NoFap forums: 73.7% reported misogynist posts, 49.1% bullying, 42.9% anti-LGBT, 32.0% antisemitic, 23.5% posts instructing followers to harm or kill themselves and 21.1% threats to hurt someone else. The sample is self-selected and not representative, and these are participant reports rather than a count of forum content.
- Prause N & Binnie J 2023, Sexualities 27(8):1608-1640, doi:10.1177/13634607231157070
More on this in the app.
The full 41-lesson course is in the app, every claim graded the same way, and an anonymous community of people doing the same thing. Free.
Coming to iOS and Android.